Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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