Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize