So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
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you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
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It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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