sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
