I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
