I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?