Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
