The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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