There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
