kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
