i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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