So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
3pm strippers are depressing
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
