Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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