I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
No subtext here. People are naked.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
