Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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