in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
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Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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