i just had sex bonerless
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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