6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
