Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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