So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
