hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
