I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
