gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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