woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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