I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize