he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
