I am full of burrito and curiosity
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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