yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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