Where is the hickey?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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