I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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