these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
