Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
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If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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