I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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