you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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