I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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