I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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