you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
foreskin is a definite game changer
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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