I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
