my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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