this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
