I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
