Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
