I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
