am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
