Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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