i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
