Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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