i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
