My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We need to rekindle our bromance
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm at about main and main street
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
