is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
