I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
