I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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