hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
