Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
