I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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