Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
