So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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