we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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