You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
