So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
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Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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