one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
