So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
