Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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