You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
