Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
